There are some rude words and adult subjects in both The Foxy Joggers and the The Algorithm Section sketches - so if you blush easily then this may not be for you. What you won't find is bigotry of any kind or mocking of easy targets.
If any of the characters express opinions that might not feel in keeping with current thinking then it is meant as parody and is supposed to show those characters up for the fools they are. They still live among us and we cant ignore them so we may as well take the piss out of them! If you have any issues with anything we've recorded then please let me know. It might not change anything but it's always good to get a different perspective
Q. Who or What is a Foxy Jogger? A. Who knows and let's face it, who really cares?
There are the foxy amongst us (I'm looking at you Dame Lisa) and there are the occassional jogger amongst us but neither of these things are prerequisite qualities in becoming a Foxy Jogger. Coincidentally, one of our initiation ceremonies is to roll around in your own filthy doings on a neighbours lawn and without this right of passage you can't really ascend to true foxy status - but that's about as foxy as we really ever get.
The Foxy Joggers are a bunch of friends who have come together to bring you sketch comedy at it's very, very - well not best - if Monty Python were Champagne then we are properly rough scrumpy with lumps in, the sort that can only be drunk in your local park with daft lads and undesirables and has the potential to make you go blind and possibly sterile!
The Foxy Joggers will endeavour to bring you surreal original audio comedy sketches on their bestest behaviour.
Comedy audio sketches constructed and conducted by Archie A and ably assisted by Dame Lisa, Lady Di, Gembalina, Marky Marker Le Pen, Ella (Ella, Ella, Oh, Oh...) P, Just Bernard, Son of Ken, Bumpy Landings, J to the S and Princess Grace of Monochrome.
So sit down, sit back, get up and pull the curtains, sit down again, sit back again, rearrange yourself, get comfy, put a paper bag over your head, loosen your clothing and think lude thoughts! Oh, and make like a shark!
Original foxy artwork courtesy of the lovely Steve Dexter MBE.
She also answers to General Mung, Kenny Celery and The Eternal Stilt. She was Slovenia's first ever test tube baby - and through her life graduated to a petri dish, a conical flask, a Whitefriars vase and eventually an hour glass.
She fears reluctant cats but loves to run naked through National Trust properties (she does not have membership). Just Bernard speaks 20 languages - one adequately and 19 quite, quite dreadfully - she can pretty much only say 'would you like to sleep with me' and 'where is the town hall' in most of them and even then it doesn't translate well in Sand-Script and in Peruvian Taushiro dialect it really just sounds like she's doing watery burps and quite frankly taking the piss. But, she's a trier and as we all know, God loves a trier. So who are we to argue?
Just Bernard makes her debut with The Joggers on 'The Horse Whisperer'. Hit the button and check it out.
What can be said about Archie A that hasn't already been said? We could say that he is skittish around horses, we could say that he is regularly named best in breed, we could say that he is a sweaty old knacker - but you'd know we are lying - apart from the last one. He really is wretched. We prefer to let his words speak for themselves - which of course they can't, unless he is saying them out loud - you know what we mean.
Archie wrote and produced all of the Foxy Joggers and Algorithm Section tracks on this website and for that I'm sure we all want to say - thank you, you truly are just like Jesus!
Archie is a big fat gangle-beast but his profile picture shows him in his house brick form, sitting on his nest.
Gembalina is to fashion what Fred West was to DIY. Make of that what you will. Gembalina grew up in the Black Mountains of South Dakota and was single handily responsible for creating the concept of putting herbs on bland food. Hence her nickname 'Mmmm! tasty lady'.
Gemma once ate 36 pickled eggs in one sitting and farted so profusely that the whole of her lower intestine prolapsed. Many people say that this is the reason that she has a wormhole where her anus should be and because of this her poop can time travel.
To us she is just Gembalina - the same old dungaree wearing, casually racist, pyromaniacal former Middlesbrough FC kit-man that she always was. I hope she never changes. Except maybe the casual racism. And setting fire to shit!
I forgot to mention - when riled she looks like a plump, angry cat.
You can listen to the unique vocal stylings of Gembalina on 'The Acronym' and 'The 'Benefactor - press the button baby!
Dame Lisa, pictured here with her third husband Clement Yapley, is an unusual individual - only ever seen at night and then usually only behind a skip or a closed burger van. For many years she lived as 'The Ghost in The Machine' until she was cruelly evicted by Gordon 'Sting' Sumner under an obscure sixteenth century copyright rule. She then went on to be 'Rage against the Machine' until suffering a similar outcome, eventually settling as 'S-Club 7's Greatest Hits'.
Dame Lisa has been known to strike like a cobra and was once reported to the RSPCA for actually striking a cobra. Her mantra for life is 'oh well, it could be worse', not very inspiring but helps her avoid having to think too hard about any moral or emotional conundrum that comes her way.
Last seen in Southampton High Street asking members of the public to sign a 'Surfers for Sewage' petition to force the Government to 'keep it gnarly'.
Lisa can be heard being a total potty-mouth on The Algorithm Section sketch 'The Customer'.
Don't be fooled by the name - Il n'est pas un stylo ou un fasciste! At least not at time of writing. Mark was born in to a pipe-cleaner cult in the wilds of Patagonia. His family escaped the cult and it's enigmatic leader Jan Van De Beardedclam shortly before the attempted mass suicide that coincided with the Terry Jones Town Massacre, in which all 427 members of the pipe-cleaner cult forced themselves into a local storm drain (a big pipe if you will) in what was later dubbed - The Great Unclog. If it wasn't for his mother's ingenuity in fashioning thousands of strands of Pampas stalk into a giant kite and harnessing the power of the mighty Vientos Patagonia wind, they would no doubt have realised a similar fate. As it was they were blown clean over in to the Chilean Andes and landed in the middle of those hungry Uruguayan rugby playing plane crash survivors and the rest of course (first and second course) is history. Mark joins us courtesy of Matcham's prosthetic limbs and timber merchants.
Mark can be heard on 'The Acronym' and 'The Benefactor' - listen out for his improvised paper rustling on the latter!
Ella is an award winning ballerina and Mexican wrestler. Unfortunately her awards are in neither of those disciplines - she has a 10 metre swimming award and was once voted pub of the year in the 18 - 25 category.
At 27 inches tall she is officially classified as a a trip hazard but as she likes to say 'you're only as tall as you are', which of course makes no sense in any context. I think its fair to say that she goes on a bit.
Ella is one of 6 triplets and for the first 43 years of her life performed as one of the infamous self-combusting Reynolds Brothers. They were in fact responsible for the much used expression - novelty act gone wrong. Now, at the age of 23, she has decided to branch out in to comedy but in the meanwhile she is joining the Foxy Joggers. She comes with a state funded grant and a can do attitude which borders on irritating. Ella currently lives in the Bournemouth area and cons pensioners out of their commemorative plate collections.
Ella P can be heard on 'The Jobcentre' and she's really rather good - go to sketches now to hear her do her thing. Ella will soon be appearing in 'The Sewer' - our follow up to 'David's in the Attic'.
AKA Digby Dog and The Clithero Kid. Lady Di's back story is by any standard a remarkable one. You may remember her as 'The woman they couldn't kill'. Having offended Carlos Whisper, Spain's premier George Michael impersonator and international drug lord, she was subject of a 10 million Lira open contract or hit as they call it in the trade (later to be immortalised by Keanu Reeves in the film John Wick 3: Parallelogram). She was subsequently shot, drowned, poisoned, stabbed, garrotted, electrocuted, jousted, spit roasted, teased, socially excluded and celebrated in song - all in one fateful May 2014 afternoon. Eventually, when the hired assassin community worked out that 10 million Lira couldn't buy you as much as a McDonalds happy meal, they gave up. Lady Di came out of the ordeal without a scratch on her - hence the incident being referred to as the miracle of Shitterton.
Lady Di is soon to embark on her nationwide book tour, having released her best selling autobiography 'Well fuck me, that was lucky'. She is a patron of the whelk conservatory and an advocate for humane prophylactic contraception.
Lady Di is soon to make her debut in 'Soap Opera'.
These two are children, quite literally (to use their vernacular) children. And if there is one thing we know about children it is that they are awful.
They are conjoined twins but it hasn't always been that way. Grace is ten of years and J to the S is of that delicate age where his voice has started to change and occasionally sounds like he is doing a particularly bad Scoobie Doo impression - enhanced by the fact that his answer to most questions is 'I dunno'! No, their conjoiniality (not a word) occurred on the back of mum and dad (Gemballina and Marky Marker Le Pen) trying to cash in on the success and buzz created by the truly awful film 'The Greatest Showman' by super gluing them together (right hand to mane) thus creating a marketable chimera child. They originally set out as The Bearded Lady, The Human Tree Stump and Missed Conjoiniality but soon found out that the real attraction of the film was the songs (which in fact were all Katy Perry's Firework played at different speeds and occasionally backwards) and all the pretty, whirling colours. The reality that they had in fact become more like the real PT Barnum, an exploitative, unattractive ogre of a man, rather than the affable sex bomb that is Hugh Jackman sent Mark into a whittling frenzy which they have only just recovered from as a family.
Up until recently J to the S has been living as a single celled organism and Princess Grace has been employed as an Anime cartoon bady called Gristle!
J to the S now uses the pronouns of 'It/Cheeky Chops' and Princess Grace has returned to her monochrome form and enjoys prancing.
Princess Grace will soon be making her debut in 'The Sleepover' - first attempt at recording was ruined by excessive nose picking and general levels of fannying about! J to the S can be heard making his debut on 'The Dentist' and he was absolutely fantastic.
Not his real name but accurate in as much as his father is called Ken and he is Ken's male offspring.
We also know him as Eric Batstrangler, entrepreneur and impresario behind such acts as Hitler and Hitler, Colostomy Live and Swimming with Marmots. S of K, as all the cool kids call him, is very limited as a voice artist due to the fact that he was born in the West Midlands and when talking he can only really make a sound similar to "jurdle, jurdle, jurdle". But, having said that we are an equal opportunities employer and won't let this clear disability get in the way - subtitles will be available. Shortly before joining the 'Joggers' Son of Ken was the mastermind behind the sexy, all male dance troupe 'Tackle', providing top notch erotic/exotic dance performance for the homeless community. In essence an extension of his now legendary Vegas shows 'Tramp Twerking' and 'Boggle for the Hobo'.
As mentioned elsewhere in this website, S of K or 'The Creator' as we also know him is a massive pervert and as recently as February this year was banned from all branches of Woolworth, BHS, Our Price and The Green Shield Stamp Shop. Details of his ban are sketchy but the words lard, key hole surgery, rubber sheets and The Crankies have all been mentioned in connection with it.
S of K is pleased to be joining the The Foxy Joggers and has assured us that his electronic tag will not interfere in any way with our recording equipment. His profile picture is taken from the graduating ceremony of Trump University, where until recently S of K held the position of Assistant Dean and can be seen handing out shiny scrolls.
There are no immediate plans for S of K to record anything, which is just as we'll because the massive perv would probably only try humping the microphone!
Bumpy is a world class aviator, extreme sports enthusiast and former lead guitarist with doom metal band Unearthly Trance. Bumpy also provided backing vocals on Dana's saccharin sweet Eurovision winning song 'All kinds of everything'.
Bumpy had at one point held 15 consecutive world records, which at the time was itself a world record - so maybe that was 16. Most notable was for the highest number of bones broken in a free fall parachute jump. The extraordinary thing about this record is that not one of those bones belonged to bumpy! He decided to pull his rip chord when 100 feet off the deck and only really survived major injury by landing on the Budleigh Salterton Women's Guild cake bake/fruit and veg tent at their 1974 summer fete. He broke 42 bones spread over three members of the Guild's judging committee.
He also squished the Mayor's giant squash, Councillor Olly Power's Cauliflowers and Barry the Hermits prize winning turnips! This incident wasn't without controversy - during the carnage Bumpy also destroyed Barry Grout's prize winning sprouts, just as Ross McWhirter was measuring them to confirm whether they were in fact world record breaking sprouts and subsequently giving Barry his 16th consecutive world record, overtaking Bumpy!
Ross McWhirter was brutally murdered by the IRA the very next year - coincidence? Maybe!
Bumpy joins us courtesy of Earache Records and Kunzhou Throwing Stars.
Bumpy can be heard on 'The Acronym' - he sounds spookily like Ken Livingstone!
It's a comedy website so I want to keep it light... but I'm an advocate for men's health, especially mental health and it would be remiss of me not to take this opportunity to share my experience.
Without wanting to sound too farty, performing arts were my thing in my teens. I played bass and sang in several rock groups and in 1983 I was a founder member of 'The Bootleg Theatre Company' along with Colin Burden, who is still running the company to this day and Josh Elwell (www.joshelwell.co.uk) who is now an actor and a very successful puppeteer.
In 1986 I stopped doing the things I loved. I sabotaged anything good that was happening in my life - alienating creative partners, stealing from bandmates and eventually selling my guitars and amps for beer money. I was unemployed, homeless, drinking heavily and taking far too many drugs. I was a fantasists and a compulsive liar.
Thankfully I still had a shred of self-respect left and somehow managed to drag myself out of that hole and got on with life but without theatre or music. I needed to have my feet on the ground and that wasn't going to happen in the arts so I turned my back on them completly. I actually didn't own another electric guitar for over twenty years.
In 2018 I had complete recall of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a school teacher. It's never easy coming to terms with that sort of thing but it helped me to understand why I had been attracted to a world of make believe in the arts in my teens, why I had struggled quite so much emotionally and also made me realise that I'd been depressed for most of it. I suffered what's called smiling depression - on the outside I was full of fun and laughter but it was done to mask how sad I really felt. It's a killer because no one sees it coming until its too late. I considered taking my own life on many occasions.
With the help of a wonderful organisation called 'Yellow Door' I got better and in June 2020 I started writing again. At the time of writing (May 2022) I'm 55 years old and desperate to make up for lost time. I'm a good writer and a good performer and I want to share my work with as many people as I can. If you like it then please share it. If you are suffering then please share your story - contact me and I'll be there for you. Archie x
The Algorithm Section are Archie A, Gary Mitchell and Jonathan Russell. We got together in late 2020 and started recording in 2021. We released two albums of original comedy sketches in June 2021 (Recollections May Differ) and December2021 (Tales From A Simpler Time). My sketches are available for download on this site but both albums can be downloaded in their entirety at - https://garymitchell.co.uk/product-category/freebies
Gary and Jon are Radio Boscombe alumni and their albums can be purchased/downloaded along with Gary's other projects at www.garymitchell.co.uk
If it wasn't for Gary and Jon I would have probably only ever written for my own amusement and for that I will love both of those guys forever. We aren't working together at the moment but I hope they will both contribute to The Foxy Joggers at some point.
If you would like to come and play then please don't be shy. We are always looking for new voice artists - no experience required, just buckets of enthusiasm and the spoonful of 'silly buggerness'.
You can come and record live if you like. It's a fun process and you can go for as many takes as you like until we are happy. During my time with 'The Algorithm Section' we did a lot of our work remotely using audacity to record to MP3 and emailed work to each other. So, if you can operate a lap top and can talk (preferably English) then come and play with me and my chums.
Unlike everything else, which I definitely will want 100% of the credit for, I cannot claim responsibility for coming up with the name 'The Foxy Joggers'. This was one of many fake band names that myself, Em Ward and Son of Ken came up with on a slow day in the office - along with the likes of 'The Cleft Parrots' and 'The Horsefly Bites'. Credit indeed must go to the one we call Son of Ken but I think at this juncture it's important to look into his inspiration behind the name. I've appropriated it in an ironic sense because of the fact that I'm 55 years old, overweight and falling apart - there's nothing foxy or joggish about me. Son of Ken on the other hand just likes looking at jogger's bottoms whilst they are running (usually away from him and his boasts of unlimited access to luncheon vouchers). Whilst it isn't a crime to admire a nice bottom, male/female or otherwise in a private and considered manner, it's always best to err on the side of caution, just in case you missed that memo from HR. And it is for this reason and this reason only that we, as an organisation, must distance ourselves from Son of Ken and his sordid, lecherous, sex pest ways!
We thank him for the inspiration but ask that he now leaves us alone to grieve privately as a family. Thank you.
PS. Son of Ken has asked me to point out that he is an equal opportunities perv - which effectively means that no one is safe.
If you have any questions about The Foxy Joggers then ask away
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